I'll tell you what pisses me off about the little bastards. The noises they make are just so annoying in themselves. They buzz, click, whirr, whine god only knows what else. That in itself gets me going.
Then you look at them and they are ugly mother fuckers. Horrible scary colours, big beady eyes, spindly legs and hairy and other such shit.
They bite, burn, sting and poison you too.
For some bizarre reason, the little bastards also seem to single me out for a bit of punishment.
I can be lying on a beach with 20,000 other people and the wasps must see me from afar. They come and land on me EVERY time. But they don't just buzz along and settle gently on me. Oh no, fuck that, they line their asses up with me from 2000 feet and dive right at me with their stinger out and bury the fucking thing right into me, up to the hilt as it were.
I always spin round and I'm sure I can see the little twat's face with a 'fuck you fat boy' kind of look in their eyes.
Just the other day I had some horrendous looking insect which was buzzing around my bedroom. I thought 'oh fuck, here we go again'. I decided to use full force on the little shit from the off. I gave it a full on backhander with an Enid Blyton hardback and the little he went flying off among some boxes I have stored for sending off eBay packages.
Take that ya little ****.
5am comes around and FUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKK!! The little insect must have come round and decided to dish out some revenge. I got stung to the leg and it fucking hurt too.
As of now, it is a stand off between me and that little tosser. Mainly due to the fact I can't find the git, but when I do I'm going to sellotape it's wings to the window and torture the little fuck wit.
I think we might do worse than look at plans for killing ALL insects. Get rid of the little assholes and their shitty attitudes towards us. We are the master race and as soon as the wasps and all other creepy crawlies realise this, the world will be a better place.
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