Wednesday 13 April 2011

Beer That Is Less Than 9% Alcohol By Volume Is Shit


Why do we drink? To get assholed, simple as. Anyone who says they like the taste of beer is full of shit. Anyone who says they do it to be social is full of shit.

Beer tastes shite if we're all honest. But it does have the effect of making us feel like everything is great and that we don't give a rat's ass about anything.

So any beer that gets us there in double quick time has got to be the best.

I recommend Carlsberg Special Brew. At 9.0% this stuff can blow your tits off even before you finish the first can. However, I do recommend capping your consumption of this lager to 4 cans or it might impair your performance when you give the wife/girlfriend/vicar/boyfriend/goat/sheep a good servicing.

Kestrel Super Lager is another cheeky little vintage that can bend your mind with very little effort. This also weighs in at a hefty 9.0% and also has the added bonus of actually tasting quite nice. Again, 4 cans max or you wont be able to get it up.

Anyone consuming piss water of less than 9.0% strength should have 'POOF' tattooed across their forehead and should be forced to ring a bell as they walk along the streets to warn us that a lightweight beer drinker is in the vicinity.

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